How can anyone survive without going for walks?! I’m baffled that it’s even possible, as walking is the way I sort things out in my mind to make it functional for the next task. In my narrow scope of vision, I honestly don’t see how it’s possible for some people to go weeks, months, years, without going for walks. Their skulls must be made of steel to keep their brains from exploding. Anyway, these are some of the things my mind has been on lately…

This week I’ve had the great joy of finishing two provocative books on psychology, love, and spiritual growth—namely, M. Scott Peck’s /Road Less Traveled/ and Henri Nouwen’s /Life of the Beloved/. In addition to receiving these author’s insights, I have had a couple good conversations with my small group leader (who’s also the sermon translator) and my housemates, notably on the relationship between religion and spirituality. And I’ve also been discovering lately the unlikely partnership of discipline and freedom.

Dr. Peck was not a Christian when he wrote /The Road Less Traveled/, but a surprising lot of his ideas are compatible with Christian beliefs. Without giving you a book report, I’ll just mention a couple points that stuck out to me. One, that laziness is the original sin and the root of human temptation and downfall today. Opposing laziness are love and grace, the former which by its very nature is the antithesis of laziness, and the latter which is a force outside ourselves that encourages us to resist laziness and strive for spiritual growth, or love. As I examine my own life, I see many instances where this rings true. I battle laziness every day, probably every waking hour, and many times I lose the battle. But there are a number of times I win the battle too, thanks to a mysterious nudging to “just do it.”

During this Lent season the church community gathers to pray every weekday morning at 5:30am. I decided that I wanted to “learn discipline” during these 40 days, as I recognized that as my biggest challenge and weakness. Over the last couple weeks, I have grown to really appreciate and look forward to those prayer meetings, and my prayer life outside of the meetings has also grown to new heights. I believe that, in addition to the work of the Holy Spirit, these positive changes are the result of discipline. For the past 9 months or so, or since I read /The Shack/, I’ve been trying to break away from doing religious things out of habit or a sense of obligation. I starting seeing religion and deep spirituality as being opposing forces. I started suspecting “spiritual disciplines” as being flimsy substitutes for real faith. And so I experienced a lot of angst over all the religious activity that goes on here at Sarangbang and was in conflict over how much to go along with it against my will.

Well, last week’s sermon was about resisting the “narrow view of spirituality.” After the service, I asked the translator (who also happens to be one of the spiritual mentors I respect most) what he meant by that phrase, and he said the “narrow view” was one that focused on outward religion instead of deep, inner faith. I’m pretty sure my jaw dropped. It seemed like such a hypocritical message to me, and I bravely, and I hope respectfully, let him know it. Our conversation was interrupted prematurely, but it finished with his statement that the structure of religion is a helpful environment for our spirituality, or something to that effect. I was surprised and probably would have shrugged it off if someone else had said it; but since I trust and respect him so much, I mulled it over many times more throughout the week. How could religion aid spirituality? Religion, that showy exterior concerned with how many minutes you pray every day or how many chapters you read in the Bible or what time you worship or how many hymns you sing before the sermon or when you have communion or what you wear on your head or what percentage of your salary you put in the offering plate… how could that encourage my faith?

The answer came to me yesterday on my walk to the ice cream store. You see, I have gotten really hooked on a Korean tv series (that I can watch online with English subtitles), and Thursday night I had some spare time and decided to watch an episode. Then I had some more spare time, so I debated what to do. Deep down, I wanted to read a good book or write a long letter or do something meaningful. I really did, and I knew that’s what would be best for me, too. But I didn’t do what I knew I should do and what I really wanted to do; instead, I watched another episode of the tv series. So on my walk, I was thinking about what I had done and why I had done it. And I realized it was laziness combined with lack of discipline. I wrongly assumed that doing whatever I wanted and watching tv would be a way to exercise my freedom during that spare time; instead, it was evidence of my slavery. Slavery to my whims, that is. If I had read the book or written the letter, I would have felt a greater sense of freedom, having loved myself enough to encourage my personal growth (as Dr. Peck would say). So it dawned on me that the same is true of my spiritual life.

When I go to the weekday prayer meetings, not because I have to fill my seat but because I want to meet with God, then I have such a sense of well-being in my soul. But on Saturdays when there is no community gathering, I don’t get up and start my day with the Lord. Instead, I use my so-called “freedom” to surf the internet or do equally lesser activities that are in fact proof of my bondage to the world rather than of being a truly liberated person. So yes, now I understand that religion can assist spirituality; not that it always (or even usually) does, but it can. Perhaps religion is the greenhouse for the seed of faith, not directly touching it or making it grow but creating a hospitable environment for it to be nurtured in by the Gardener.

. . . I just proceeded to write a final paragraph of reflections on Nouwen, but it came off as rather mystical which I really don’t want, so I’ll wait till a time when I’m less tired (it’s nearly 1am here after a long day of exercise). :) Live your weekend well!